Thursday, May 28, 2015

Happy 50th to me

On Saturday morning I will wake up and officially be 50 years old.
Really, it is incredible.
I know lots of people that stress about aging, and some of the changes associated with aging are hard to feel good about, however I admit that there is something about these milestones that somehow feel like an achievement to me.
I mean 50 freaking years old!!
Me, ha!

I think it was in March that I started to think wow, this is pretty cool. And I began to think about, well lots of things.
And the whole time I was thinking about it, I was I am now.

Being an introvert, I have always had small circles of friends and have avoided large celebrations all my life as I don't particularly feel comfortable with them.
This is no different.
I had lunch with one group of colleagues today and will celebrate with another group of colleagues tomorrow.
Saturday, Steve & I have plans to enjoy the evening and of course I will spend my morning with my furry buddy because few things in my 50 yrs have brought me the peace and pleasure of kayaking with him alongside me.
Part of me wants a larger gathering, only happiness allowed.
That might happen at some point.

I have traveled to 42 states and 8 countries.
Lived in 8 states and 2 countries.
I have performed Mahler and Brahms (amongst others) with professional symphonies and a wide assortment of jazz in more settings than I could list.

I have run marathons and biathlons. Competed in Div. I athletics.
Attained multiple degrees.
Been piss poor and enjoyed times of good earnings.

I have had so many different jobs along the way, and I never hated one of them.
I have enjoyed some more than others though, ;)

It hasn't been a smooth ride, I have had myriad significant health problems, which probably accounts for my sense that me, being 50, is quite something.

I, like all people, have had emotional struggles and internal battles. To me though, these are not to be seen as 'unfair', they are part of life. And if we face them, and work through them, our life is richer.

I am one of the lucky ones.
I believe that with every fiber of my being.

Years ago someone sent one of those silly polls and it asked, "what is the first thing you think of when you wake up?"
I said, "woohoo! I am still alive! Another day awaits!"
Steve shook his head and laughed and we still laugh about it today.
Kidding aside, it is a blessing that I truly believe that everytime you wake up in the morning, it's a good day.

Another blessing is that I have always loved a challenge. Challenge me and I will be energized and excited.
As life hands all of us challenges, I am certainly aware that I am fortunate that I don't fear those challenges, they motivate me.

Lastly, I cannot omit how fortunate I am that some higher being brought Bugsy to me.
Just weeks after adopting him, Steve said, "Good God I have adopted the canine version of you"
We did.
Although I am convinced that Bugsy's soul is a higher being than I am, we share many things.
Dog folks talk about heart dogs.
Bugsy is my heart dog.
How lucky am I that we wandered into the shelter and came home with the dog whose soul was such a match for mine?
The challenges he presented were opportunities for my growth.
Through the years our bond has been built on similarities, challenges, and adventures.
I know others have had heart dogs, there are no words that describe the emotions well.

So, happy 50 to me.
My life has been rich, rewarding, challenging, and far more than would have been predicted from my beginnings.

I wish that I could send a thank you to each and every person that has made a difference to me.
I hope that if I think it and wish it hard enough, it is felt in their hearts.