Sunday, December 31, 2017

"you'll know"

Anyone with an aging pet hears these words over and over from meaningful folks who've been there.
I have countered each time I heard it, "not sure I will."
If you had asked me in September of this year (2017) whether Bugsy could be happy without his walks, I'd have said no.
Yet for about 6-8 wks now, we rarely walk and it's only around the cul de sac. I am not sure why he doesn't want to, he isn't limping or panting, but he doesn't want to.
But he's still happy.
He no longer destroys toys, but he still loves them and squeaks them.

He is riddled with lumps (sounds better than tumors) and no doubt in pain but he eats tons, is playful each day, enjoys his yard wandering, and of course demands treats be placed in his toys.

So despite his tendency to nap most of the day, and the occasional collapse, he's been trucking along.

I could see people looking at me as if it was 'his time' as I said he doesn't go for walks any more, etc. then I'd explain how he's fine; old, tired, fighting cancer, but fine.

Until today.
He didn't want to wake up today.
And when he did, his body was hurting him terribly. His legs were unsteady. His face said, "what the hell is happening?"

Today I saw what his final days look like. I hope that he recovers from this episode and has some more 'good' days but I am not holding my breath.
He improved some during the day, but not enough really.
Not enough for him to say hello to visitors.
Not enough to not have his sling in my hand as he walked.
Not enough to say, he's happy.

So if tomorrow is the same, it's time.
I've seen the line now, you were all right, I know.

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