Sunday, June 7, 2015

How do you spell determined? B-U-G-S-Y

A brief update on the boy.
Not much has changed for the good or for worse.

He is obviously in significant pain, every day all day.

The epicenter is the right hind leg however ever since the CT scan he has pain in his left hock down to his foot. I don't know how much it hurts during his normal stuff but he is horribly worried if I attempt to touch the area and quivers as I massage or inspect it.

So at this point, he has significant pain in his right rear leg.
And his rear left hock to foot.
And of course the repaired left shoulder/elbow.
Leaves me wondering how long the front right leg is going to hold up.

If you came to visit him, you'd see none of this.
You'd be greeted in HIS way, wagging, whining, wiggling, joyously holding a toy in his mouth for you.
He'd be bouncy and oh so happy to see you.
Inside I know you'll be thinking, "gosh Karen needs to get a grip, this dog is fine"

But he isn't.

Each morning he wants so desperately to walk. So I head out with him.
His gait is awful.
It is broken, he is broken.
In body but Lord he isn't broken in spirit.
You can actually see him fighting the pain and broken gait until he can smooth it out and strut like he has always strutted.
Part of me smiles and part of me cries.
It is a mighty effort.
His intensity and determination is awe-inspiring.
So is the pride.
I try to shorten the walk and he will outright refuse or like this morning when we get to the crossroads and right means short walk and left means longer walk, he heads left cutting out the corner entirely.
Message to human; Not today, I'm going long.

The effort takes its toll. His tongue hangs long and the panting is great.
Once home it's time for pain relief and a nap.
His body needs rest and because he did his 'job' and surveyed his kingdom (the 'hood) he CAN rest.

And so now he'll nap for hours and I will ponder what is at the root of this and if there is any more I can provide.

I look at him with tremendous admiration and sorrow.
Simultaneously I feel so fortunate to have had this amazing creature in my life and heartbroken that the road ahead appears short and painful.

He however, has seemingly accepted this new level of pain as the new reality.
Heck he is even back to running up and down the stairs with the trademark leap off the last few which took quite some adaption on his part because that right rear leg is not capable of doing it in a normal fashion.
Sigh, I love this beast.

His focus and determination and joy are something to behold.
Just wish he wasn't having to fight so much pain

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